I'm a 37-year-old woman. I'm married & I have 2 kids, ages 6 & 8. I used to blog more publicly about my kids and my life with kids, but the kids are getting to the age now that telling funny stories about potty accidents and malapropisms is not as appropriate.
So.
I am anonymous. Or, A. Nonny Mouse.* I live in the northeastern part of the United States. Currently, I work from home, though my job isn't the greatest and I'm hoping to find a way to get into a new field soon.
*When my family thinks something is funny, we often say that it is hilarious. Or Hi Larry Mouse. It's one of those weird family things, we don't expect you to understand. ;)
I am crafty. I love making things, especially geeky things inspired by my, very standard, geeky love for all things Doctor Who, Firefly, The West Wing, Torchwood and more. I would share my etsy link, but even though it's "bad for business", my real name and picture are shared there and for now, I'm not comfortable sharing those things.
Through the past several years, I have struggled with depression, OCD and anxiety and was recently diagnosed with ADD. None of these diagnoses came as a shock, but there are times when having any one of those things can be a heavy burden.
Earlier this month, there was a bad accident near my house. It's caused legal entanglements in my life and emotional and psychological issues that I really didn't need or want. I can't, unfortunately, tell any more about that because of said legal entanglements. When I can share the story, I will. Until then, there may be oblique references to The Accident or The Legal Shite, but that's about it.
Oh, and since we're talking about shite.... what?! we totally were! I should say that I am a Christian. I love God with all my heart and have leaned heavily on Him since the whole Accident thing, and before. That said, I also swear. It's not a great habit, but it's one that I'm having a hard time breaking. Also, there are times when a well-placed 'fuck' is the best way to express something. If you don't like swearing, please feel free to read someone else's blog.
As I said above, I am 37 and as I approach 40 and as I've begun to emerge from my most recent depressive episode, I've been doing some soul searching and thinking.
The thinks I've been thinking are more or less what started the overwhelming desire to have a blog again AND to get some of these thinks out of my thinker.
--A wee detour -- I have a girlfriend who, as she approached 40, decided to work on correcting some things about herself that she didn't like. Not appearance things, which is a whole 'nother kettle of fish to unpack some other day, but personality things or her reactions to things that she felt were in need of changing. As a for example, she is not a religious person, and had acquired the habit of saying "oh my God". That can be offensive to people who are religious and so she worked on breaking that habit.
I decided recently that my girlfriend is very wise and so I am stealing her idea, but putting my own twist on it.
I definitely have bad habits to break and so I have started working on making myself a better person in the world. I made a New Year's Resolution this year to stop picking at my nails and cuticles. I have been mostly successful in this so far, and so I think February will bring another resolution. I had an idea for one, but now I've forgotten it.
One of the other things I want to work on is being more intentional and thoughtful about the things I do and say and want in my life. I'm an impulsive person and that impulsiveness has landed me in many uncomfortable open-mouth-insert-foot situations.
Another girlfriend gave me great advice before my husband and I got married. I was, at the time, feeling annoyed that my fiance wasn't figuring out that going to get our marriage license was a big deal to me and that I wanted to make it more of an Event than it was shaping up to be. My friend, having listened patiently to my complaining, finally pointed out that I needed to tell my fiance what I wanted and more specifically, that I needed to give the man a verb. I needed to say "I would like this to be more of a special date than it is shaping up to be. I would like to go to dinner afterwards or do something else to make this somewhat routine errand special." I did and we did and then we got married. Almost 12 years later, and my husband still can't read my mind.
Combining the "give the guy a verb" advice with the intentionalness idea means that I am approaching people I want to spend more time with and saying 'Hey! I really like you and I don't get to see you very often. Can we have a lunch date next week?' or 'Hi friend, you offered to do this thing for me when The Accident went down and I'm really struggling today. Does the offer of you doing that thing still stand?'
People aren't mind readers and everyone is going to be happier if we, kindly, give them a verb.
I realized this week that I am feeling very lonely. I work from home, so I put the kids on the bus at 830 and then it's just me and the dog (and the bird and the fish, but they talk less than the dog does) until the kids get home at 4. It's lonely. I reached out to my sister-in-law and said "I'm really lonely and your washing machine doesn't work. Do you want to come over and use mine and hang out with me?" She said SHE was lonely, too. I reached out to a couple other girlfriends that I never get to see and asked them if we could have adult playdates and they all said yes! Because we don't ever get to see each other. I used my words, and gave my friends a verb and good stuff happened.
I'm hoping to use this space to intentionally share some thoughts about life and the world around us. And you know, rant about annoying things. Because I have Opinions and if I don't share them, they start exploding from my mouth in inappropriate ways.
